Apologizing

Today I did one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, and I did it on my own without anyone prompting me too. I apologized. I've had a huge crush on one of my best friends for a really long time. He knew about it, but he started dating someone else. I was a really b*#^h to his girlfriend. I went as far as to tell her that I didn't think she was his cinderella. I know I know how do you ever say anything so mean? Well I did, along w/ some other pretty hurtful stuff. That was back in January. Well its now April, and they are still dating and as he put it, he is "twitterpated." I can tell that he really likes her a lot, and it tears my heart to pieces. Today I took the girlfriend out to dinner, and she and I just talked. I told her how sorry I was for being such a jerk and that I didn't hate her. I just took my frustrations out on her because she won the guy. Love makes us do crazy things. When I got home, I lost it and started bawling. I hate having to apologize, I hate more that she is right, and even more I hate that I know it was right, yet I still feel awfully alone. Just because I apologized doesn't solve my lack of companionship. And I still really hurt, but I know I did the right thing. Why does sometimes the right thing hurt so bad? I don't understand at all... I know, its a growing process, and in the end all of our pain will be taken away when Jesus calls us home, but tell that to my aching heart. I just want to love someone who loves me the same way.

So if its you this post is about, I'm sorry for the hell I put you through, and I hope that one day you can find it in your hearts to forgive me.

Verse of the night: 1 Corinthians 1: 27-31 "But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things-and the things that are not-to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him. It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God-that is, our righteousness, holiness, and redemption. Therefore, as it is written: 'Let him who boasts boast in the Lord.'"